I am such a horrible blogger, Benedict Cumberbatch kinda terrifies me, and other revelations since my last post
OK I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT BLOGGING FOR ALMOST 100 DAYS!!!! But things have been chaotic because….
- MY SHERLOCK HOLMES PAPER GOT ACCEPTED INTO A CONFERENCE!!!!
- Second semester. End of story.
- I may or may not have forgotten my password to this account. Whoops. Not one of my shining moments…
But let’s talk about probably the coolest thing that has happened in my short life: I’m officially presenting at my first academic conference! My paper on Sherlock Holmes fan works (which I have been documenting my progress on since I started classes last semester) was one of the first papers accepted (or at least I think it was since I’m basing everything off of confirmation numbers). I am so pumped for this experience! But, with that being said, my school denied my request for funding and everything for the trip (my flight, hotel, etc.) is coming out of pocket. I’ve started a GoFundMe, so if you could share the link or possibly donate a couple of dollars towards my campaign, that would be lovely. Thank you ❤
So kinda going off of that…
My family came down to visit me at school for the Easter weekend (which was wonderful), and my brother asked me what I would do if Benedict Cumberbatch came to my presentation and wanted to talk to me about it afterwards. I told him that I would be terrified.
“Psh. Yeah right. Terrified of meeting one of your favorite actors who you not only find attractive, but a fascinating person who you would kill for an opportunity to sit down and have a conversation with? I don’t believe it.”
But here’s the thing: I’m not terrified of meeting him.
I’m terrified of letting him down. Or anyone, for that matter.
I have put so much work into this paper so far (and after the semester is over, I’m going to be putting a lot more in as well), that I have a lot of people rooting for me. I’m fortunate for this support, but I don’t want to let them down. Failure has always been one of my biggest fears, and I don’t want it to let it get the best of me. Out of anyone I could be presenting this to, Benedict (as well as anyone involved with the show, for that matter) knows the source material as well as I do. For me, that’s intimidating because he knows a lot of what I’m basing my argument off of. I don’t want this to fall short of expectations.
I shouldn’t really be fretting about this, but I’ve tried to get other cast/production crew members to retweet my GoFundMe link so I can hopefully raise the money to go on the trip. If they’ve seen the link, they know when and where the presentation is and what I’m arguing. Which means that there is that slim chance that they’ll be there.
But that’s not going to happen, right?
So this is another one of my “I’m going to rant about my insecurities and lack of guts” posts. So feel free to keep scrolling past. I won’t be offended.
This Saturday, we’re having a Gatsby-themed dance on campus. Guess who has two thumbs and doesn’t have a date? THIS GIRL! *points at self* That puts the total at 5 dances that I haven’t had a date to, plus countless other events I haven’t gone with a guy to.
It’s not like I don’t TRY to get to know the guys I find myself falling for. Like the song says, “Breaking my back just to know your name.” I attempt to start conversations with them, whether it be in person (when I actually see them) or on Facebook (when you can’t talk to them in person, like what happened with me this summer. I’ll vent about this story then). But, just my luck, I never see the guy(s) I like (so I can’t talk face to face) and, if I try to talk to them over the internet, they rarely respond! It’s aggravating!
Want proof of my luck? Take the guy I fell for at orientation: I met him at the first event. He was literally the first guy I met (I had already met a couple of girls). We were in the same small group, and, just because I knew nobody, I sat down next to him. We chatted about the stereotypical small-talk topics, and, when the actual thing started, they had us stand up. First words out of my mouth: “HOLY CRAP YOU’RE TALL!” He was over 6′ tall, and I was just there, me and all of my 5′ 5″ shortness. So, we got to know each other over the next 3 days, and I found out that we liked a lot of the same things (he was into musicals and a lot of the same bands as me, even some of the ones nobody at home had ever heard of). When we left for the summer, we friended each other on Facebook and I started talking to him the one night online (since we weren’t going to be seeing each other again until move-in at the end of August). We had a really good conversation, and I thought “Hey, I might be able to keep chatting and hang out with him once we’re both in school.” Well, that idea kinda died after that conversation. I messaged him a couple days later when it appeared he was on, and no response. Tried again a couple weeks later: nothing. Tried once again closer to move-in: A response filled with a whole lot of NOTHING. Then, we moved in, and I figured “Hey. We’re in the same dorm building, I’ll be bound to see him and chat with him!”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no. Between the end of August and about mid-October, I could have probably counted the days I had seen him on one hand. And it gets better! One time, I was getting over a stomach bug, so I looked like death walking. A couple of the times, I just looked unattractive from coming straight home from my self-defense class. I just have not been able to talk to him in a normal context since orientation.
This is how I feel like it’s been for EVERY guy I have ever liked. Meet them. Fall for them. Get to know them. Try to talk to them. Never hear from them. Feel alone.
Sigh. Sorry for unloading this all on y’all. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I keep going through the same hoops, and I never get anywhere. I’m also starting to kinda fall for another guy, and I really don’t want to keep this trend up. If anyone out there has any advice, I would love to hear it!
Happy Almost-Halloween! I figured that, since midterms are wrapping up for everyone here, I would share some things that I have learned from my first 2 months of college!
1. MapQuest and iMaps can, and will be, your best friends the first couple of weeks.
Ok this seems kinda simple. But, if you are like me and
get lost walking in a straight line are directionally challenged, then the walking directions from MapQuest or whatever map site you use will be your saving grace when navigating around a big campus for the first time. Plus, you can send MapQuest directions to your phone and save a tree or 2!
2. Don’t be afraid to try new things!
This has probably been said on every college tour/presentation/anything, but it’s true! You never know what you’ll end up liking. For instance, I thought it would be a smart idea to take a self-defense course since I’m living in a big city, and I would prefer not to get attacked by some creep. I have never been athletic or violent, so I thought that I might end up hating it since I would feel stupid. Right now, it’s one of my favorite classes and I have met 2 of my good friends through it. College is all about finding who you are, so don’t be afraid to try something you wouldn’t have touched with a 10-foot pole before!
3. Open dorm doors will attract people. But that’s ok. You’ll most likely become best friends with them.
This might have only happened to me, but, by opening my door, I actually met the people who live across the hall and down the hall from me. It’s cool because, if one of us has the door to our living area open (our dorms are kinda like mini-apartments for 4 people. It’s quite nice), we’ll yell stuff at each other when we’re entering or leaving our own rooms. We’ve gone and ended up doing our homework or folded our laundry that we just pulled out of the dryer in each others’ rooms. It’s so much fun, and it’s one of my favorite things about my dorm building 🙂
4. Don’t be ashamed of what you’re interested in. You’re almost guaranteed to find someone who likes the same things.
Where I grew up, everyone was kind of interested in the same types of things (Justin Bieber, mainstream pop culture, tv sitcoms, etc.). There’s nothing wrong with that, but I just wasn’t that into those types of things. I love British television (Sherlock and Doctor Who), love rock music (I’m listening to My Chemical Romance at the moment), and anything geeky (Bill Nye is my hero). When I came to college, I had no idea how easy it would be to find people who like the same things as me. As it turned out, my super-awesome RA is a huge geek (we constantly talk about Supernatural, even though she’s 2+ seasons ahead of me at the moment), one member of my quiz team likes Doctor Who, and my entire writing class is a member of one fandom or another. People who dig what you dig do exist, you just have to find them.
5. Do what you love, and love what you do. Just make sure you can find a job.
Fun fact: you do actually have to pay back your college loans! Shocker, right?! The truth is, you can go to school, and you can get a 4.0 and be super involved and have a kick-butt resume, but if you major in something like “Early Classical Interpretive Dance” (which I just made off the top of the head. If people actually study this, I want to meet them) where there is literally no job market, it’s all pointless. I’m not recommending majoring in, say, Chemistry, when you hate science with a burning passion and would much rather play the trumpet. But make sure that, while you’re investing your (or your parent’s) money into 4 years of education, make sure that it’s something that you can make money off of eventually. I’m fortunate that Biology and Medicine are both my passion and a booming job market, but I’m also passionate about music. I’m not majoring in it, but I’m still playing the sax and doing what I love.
Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment/drop me a question/send me a picture of your lunch/ whatever! I’d love to hear from the people who hear my ramblings!
“Just know you’re not alone
I’m going to make this place your home”
~Home by Phillip Phillips
As I close my first official week of being a college student (I moved in early), this lyric really sticks out to me. This is really the first time I’ve really been out on my own, without anyone telling me what to do, who to hang out with, where to go and when. I didn’t know if I would find people like me, who were here to learn instead of party and who shared my love of Doctor Who, Sherlock, The Avengers and all things nerdy. But I did.
I felt at home.
Every hesitation I had before coming here, whether it be about classes, housing, and just if this was right for me in general, is gone, and I have no regrets up to this day.
I love my home 🙂