And….. FINALS ARE OVER! Yay! Thanks for being patient with me as I wrapped things up for the semester! Let’s check in with a couple of things I’ve mentioned over the past couple of months:
- The paper I was writing on BBC’s Sherlock: That’s finished! The paper itself was 17 full pages (double-spaced), and, with the bibliography and abstract that my professor wanted us to include, it turned out to be a 21-page document. I am so happy with how it turned out, and, especially with Season 3 coming out on January 19th (or January 1st if you’re one of the lucky ducks who lives in the UK), a lot of what I discussed (fan fictions and communities) will be highlighted in the media. So, if what I submitted looks good, I might make some edits, further my research, and *hopefully* get it published in a journal!
- The surveys I sent out as part of the 21-page paper: Out of the 9 I sent out, I only got one back, and that was because it was a wrong address. I’m taking that as a sign that the addresses I found on the internet are relatively accurate and I’m hoping that I’ll hear back from at least one person eventually. In a perfect world, it would be awesome if some of the people called me and did the whole interview over the phone, or, better yet, flew me out to London so I could do it in person. Will this happen? Probably not.
Do I care? Nope! Not at all!
- The guy I spent an entire post ranting about: Nothing new on this front. Frankly, I’m not worrying about it. If it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen. There are more important things in my life right now that I have to focus my energy on.
Well, that about sums it up. It’s currently snowing, so I hope it doesn’t lay on the roads so I can get to my haircut safely (I’m not very experienced with snow driving).
So this is another one of my “I’m going to rant about my insecurities and lack of guts” posts. So feel free to keep scrolling past. I won’t be offended.
This Saturday, we’re having a Gatsby-themed dance on campus. Guess who has two thumbs and doesn’t have a date? THIS GIRL! *points at self* That puts the total at 5 dances that I haven’t had a date to, plus countless other events I haven’t gone with a guy to.
It’s not like I don’t TRY to get to know the guys I find myself falling for. Like the song says, “Breaking my back just to know your name.” I attempt to start conversations with them, whether it be in person (when I actually see them) or on Facebook (when you can’t talk to them in person, like what happened with me this summer. I’ll vent about this story then). But, just my luck, I never see the guy(s) I like (so I can’t talk face to face) and, if I try to talk to them over the internet, they rarely respond! It’s aggravating!
Want proof of my luck? Take the guy I fell for at orientation: I met him at the first event. He was literally the first guy I met (I had already met a couple of girls). We were in the same small group, and, just because I knew nobody, I sat down next to him. We chatted about the stereotypical small-talk topics, and, when the actual thing started, they had us stand up. First words out of my mouth: “HOLY CRAP YOU’RE TALL!” He was over 6′ tall, and I was just there, me and all of my 5′ 5″ shortness. So, we got to know each other over the next 3 days, and I found out that we liked a lot of the same things (he was into musicals and a lot of the same bands as me, even some of the ones nobody at home had ever heard of). When we left for the summer, we friended each other on Facebook and I started talking to him the one night online (since we weren’t going to be seeing each other again until move-in at the end of August). We had a really good conversation, and I thought “Hey, I might be able to keep chatting and hang out with him once we’re both in school.” Well, that idea kinda died after that conversation. I messaged him a couple days later when it appeared he was on, and no response. Tried again a couple weeks later: nothing. Tried once again closer to move-in: A response filled with a whole lot of NOTHING. Then, we moved in, and I figured “Hey. We’re in the same dorm building, I’ll be bound to see him and chat with him!”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no. Between the end of August and about mid-October, I could have probably counted the days I had seen him on one hand. And it gets better! One time, I was getting over a stomach bug, so I looked like death walking. A couple of the times, I just looked unattractive from coming straight home from my self-defense class. I just have not been able to talk to him in a normal context since orientation.
This is how I feel like it’s been for EVERY guy I have ever liked. Meet them. Fall for them. Get to know them. Try to talk to them. Never hear from them. Feel alone.
Sigh. Sorry for unloading this all on y’all. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I keep going through the same hoops, and I never get anywhere. I’m also starting to kinda fall for another guy, and I really don’t want to keep this trend up. If anyone out there has any advice, I would love to hear it!
Well, I’m 2 weeks into college and, so far, I haven’t done anything too horribly stupid. So that’s an accomplishment.
A little fun fact about myself: I tend to think of a lot of things when it’s about 11:30 at night and I’m attempting to fall asleep. Don’t ask me why this happens, but it gets annoying (especially when you have an 8:30 class the next morning). But, last night, I was thinking about fear, and the things I wish I had the courage to do. I came up with 3 really good things I’d like to do, but am to scared to do.
I’m pretty sure that, if everyone made a list like this, skydiving would be one of the most common things on there. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to feel weightless, but I’ve never had an opportunity to learn. It probably doesn’t help that I have a semi-fear of heights….
2. Ask Out The Guy I’m Crushing On
Yeah, yeah yeah… typical teen girl issue, right here! But, for as long as I can remember, I haven’t been able to form a logical conversation when alone with a guy I like, let alone ask him out on a date.
3. Go To A Party Where There Might Be Alcohol
This sounds like such a ridiculous thing to be afraid of, but just hear me out! Ever since I was 4, I’ve wanted to go medical school. In order to get into a really good medical school, you have to be a good kid. Being a good kid means not getting arrested for drugs, alcohol, illegal activity, pure stupidity, etc. Since I’m not 21, I will get arrested if I get caught with alcohol. Which is bad. I know I could go to a party and not drink and be completely sober and have fun. I just have a fear that I would be the one good kid who would get in trouble for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Sorry for basically the vent session. But ’tis life.
Anyone out there have any other interesting fears?